Inconsequential Numbers

I feel the need to address this guilt about weighing over a certain amount that has been expressed by former contestants and actually by a lot of women I’ve known in my life. I don’t believe that my weight is a good measure of my health, as a matter of fact out of all the numbers used by medical professionals- blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, inflammation markers, etc.- I believe it’s the absolute WORST measure of health, but I’m going to share some numbers that pertain to me and my body to prove a point. 
203 pounds- the amount I weighed when I became a certified aerobics instructor who taught between 3-6 classes a week while earning my undergrad degree.
144 pounds- this is what I weighed at my finale in 2006. I was so sick I wasn’t coherent, I passed out when I stood up too fast, I was covered in bruises, my hair was falling out in clumps, I was taking over 2400mg of ibuprofen a day just to walk because of shin splints and hadn’t eaten in days. 
223 pounds- I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy after almost losing him repeatedly by trying to overtrain and diet while pregnant and on doctor ordered bed rest because I was so afraid of gaining weight. Luckily people who loved me intervened and got me help essentially saving my sons life. The guilt I had over weighing “too much” almost destroyed literally the best thing to ever happen to me. 
163 pounds- what I weighed the day I left to join the Army in 2011. To get to this weight I picked up unhealthy habits again and was bordering on dangerous territory again. 
187 pounds- my weight for my last PT test in basic training before I left for OCS at Fort Benning. On that PT test I maxed out points for my sit ups and push ups because I was actually fueling my body to complete the tasks I needed for Army basic training. 
163 pounds- the weight I was back down to two years later after breaking my pelvis and being too depressed to even move off my couch. I was barely eating and barely leaving my house, sounds healthy huh? 🙄
173- the weight I was in 2014 when I decided to take a new approach to my body because I kept getting colds non stop and couldn’t figure out why. I had just come back from Europe where I was sick twice during an 11 day trip and couldn’t seem to shake the non stop fatigue and head colds. I relapsed this year into severe disordered eating habits and didn’t eat for 18 days. I knew I had a problem again and sought help. 
209 pounds- the weight I was this past year when I demolished my first RX at cross fit. After months of recovery, I was strong, I was finally feeding myself again after being depressed and I was training five days a week for months to get this and gained weight while doing it and didn’t freak out. I’ve never been so proud of an accomplishment in the gym, I actually ate and trained without the Army making me and I kicked ass. 
All those numbers? Pay attention, how high or low they were had ZERO correlation with how healthy I was and how I was caring for myself. You cannot determine someone’s health by looking at them. 
Let’s work toward letting go of these arbitrary numbers as measures of our self worth and pay attention to what matters: Am I eating physical and physiological health foods? Am I moving my body? Am I practicing self care? Am I forming lasting supportive relationships? These are the things that matter for long term health. Health is more than a number. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

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